With my sincere apologies to the Brothers Grimm, I would like to tell you the story of Trumpelstiltskin! ( I decided to get a bit silly today because if I don’t laugh once in a while, I will start crying about what is happening in this country!)
Once upon a time in a land called America, there lived Lady Liberty. Lady Liberty was known throughout the world for her beautiful democracy and welcoming arms. She was a beacon for the rest of the world. However, the Republican party was told by a QAnon source that Lady Liberty could spin lies into gold and power, using the internet and Russian trolls.
Lady Liberty resisted these efforts with all her strength. However, the Republican Party which had been coopted by the Seven Dwarfs (again my apologies to the Brothers Grimm), Hateful (Steve Miller), Dopey (Marjorie Taylor Greene), Grumpy (James Comer), Scrappy (Jim Jordan), Creepy (Steve Bannon), Sleazy (Mike Johnson )and Dick (Matt Gaetz), vowed to lock Lady Liberty up in a tower until she learned to spin lies into gold and power.
The first night, Lady Liberty cried and cried, as she could not bring herself to lie and undermine the principles upon which she had been raised by her Founding Fathers. Suddenly, an imp dressed in a blue suit and sporting orange hair appeared. He said that he could spin lies into gold and power if Lady Liberty would give him her torch! Having no other choice, she agreed. The next morning, the dwarfs appeared and saw how many lies had been turned into gold and power! They were ecstatic. They demanded Lady Liberty produce even more lies and misinformation the next day.
That night, the imp appeared again and offered to spin more lies into gold and power if Lady Liberty would give him the tablet that she held containing the Declaration of Independence. Once again, she had no choice, and she gave it to the imp. He got busy and was spinning lies into gold and power so fast the spinning wheel began to heat up.
The dwarfs appeared the next morning and were extremely impressed with the amount of gold and power strewn about the room. “We’ll all be rich,” cried Dopey. “We’ll rule the world,” cried Creepy. “Amen,” cried Sleazy. And with that, the exuberant crowd once again demanded Lady Liberty spin even more lies into gold and power. The dwarfs could see the toll all of this was taking upon Lady Liberty. Scrappy stepped forward and said, “We will let you go tomorrow if you agree to take off your cloak of democracy and if you agree to marry one of us.” And then they left.
Lady Liberty was even more distraught than before! She cried and cried. The imp showed up as usual that night. Lady Liberty pleaded with him to help her once again. He looked her over and said that he would help her one last time but in exchange he wanted her crown. She agreed but asked if she could give it to him after the wedding to one of the dwarves because she really wanted to wear it one last time. The imp agreed and got busy spinning and spinning more lies into gold and power.
The dwarfs returned in the morning and were once again impressed by how much gold and power was stacked around the room. They then turned to Lady Liberty and asked which dwarf she would marry. She had been up all night thinking about this and finally blurted out, “Dick.” Dick was a bit taken aback. He said, “No offense, Lady Liberty, but you’re quite a bit older than the girls I’m used to hanging around with!” I just don’t think we would be a good match.
All of a sudden, all the dwarfs were talking at once. They were shouting over each other and pointing fingers. It was quite chaotic. Finally, Dopey spoke up, “OK, the wedding will take place in three days, and we will go away and figure out which dwarf will marry Lady Liberty. Lady Liberty smiled to herself since this had been her plan all along. She knew Dick only liked really young women!
Since she was no longer locked up, she went out walking around. The imp appeared and demanded his crown. She explained the issue about the wedding and asked if he could wait three more days. She then said, “I don’t even know your name. I’d like to thank you properly for all you’ve done but I don’t know what to call you.” The imp looked back at her and said, “You will never guess my name. Not in a million years.”
Lady Liberty said, “If I can guess your name by the day of the wedding, can I keep my crown?” The cocky imp just laughed. “Of course,” he said. “I always win my bets. I never lose at anything! I am the best. I’m the smartest.” And off he went.
The night before the wedding, Lady Liberty went walking in the forest and she came upon a cabin. From a hidden vantage point, she watched the imp dance around a fire singing, “tonight, tonight, my plans I make; tomorrow, tomorrow, the crown I take. Lady Liberty will never win the game, Trumpelstiltskin is my name.”
On the appointed day, the dwarfs showed up and told Lady Liberty that none of them wanted to marry her. They just could not marry someone who was so – democratic and welcoming. Just then, the imp showed up and demanded his crown. Lady Liberty looked straight at him and said, “I will never give you my crown, Trumpelstiltskin!”
When he heard his name and knew he had lost the bet, he became so angry, he jumped up and down and landed right in the middle of the dwarfs. He stomped his foot so forcefully into the ground that it created a chasm into which he and the dwarves fell, never to be heard from again!
I love a happy ending!
